Birthday Surprises?

Hi, meet me again. Well, this time I want to share a little about my life. No, no, it isn't about my lovelife by the way. It's not a poem or another sad love story too.

So, it's the 6th day of April. D-11. Eleven days before my 18th birthday. I don't know why but I get less excited about my birthday. What's in my mind now is just that on April 22nd I'll have a mid-semester exam and I'm not even open my book yet...literally. I meant, I don't even have any text book yet hehehe.

Maybe it seems like I'm weird and anti social or sounds like hypocrite and whatever. But, I don't want anything on my birthday. I don't want to be the center of attention. I don't know why but that's just the truth. And I really am okay with that.

It's not like I don't want anybody to say Happy Birthday to me or I hate everybody. No, It isn't like that. But, I just want to have a common day as my birthday. I meant, I don't feel like I want to get any surprises or what. I don't know what's wrong about me. Maybe I'm just a lil' afraid or get paranoid. But, I can't handle it. That's it.

But, of course I can't show it or tell it to anybody, especially to my friends. I know they must've been organized things behind me. So, I better shut my mouth up and follow the show. I don't want to disappoint them anyway. It wouldn't be good.

Hmm... Pathetic, right? I don't know what happened to me. But, I feel like I'm better be alone. OMG, I hate to say that but I must admit that I sounds sooo disgusting and I'm so introvert. I hate myself for being like that, seriously. But, that's what I feel inside. I enjoy myself. Well, maybe that's the wrong way but that it is.

Argh.. I hate myself to feel like this. There are they, peoples who love me and treasure me. Spend their time and energy for me to make me happy and let me have the best memories. But, I do feel this for them. I'm so mean :(

I hope my birthday will go well and I won't  mess it up.