curhat

Maybe it’s the universe’s conspiracy to give you signs. Now, it’s up to you to notice or to not. Now, it’s up to me to make decision. Whether to love or to hate, whether to continue or to end, whether it’s leave or stay, whether it’s to be happy or not. But… No. Happy is not a decision. It’s a right. It’s everybody’s right to be happy. If something makes you do not happy, then you have nothing to do but to leave it. Trust me, no one wants to be not happy. Everybody deserves to be happy. 

I don’t know why… It seems like it doesn’t work out anymore. Everything feels so wrong. I have no meaning of it all. My feeling starts to change, I don’t feel the joy anymore, I couldn’t find the hopes anywhere. I feel like I’ve been trapped, somehow I can’t find the escape. I know what I should do, but somehow I have no guts to do it. I'm afraid. Afraid that I might regret it...

But to continue things like this.... I'm unhappy....

Beberapa minggu ini things start to change. Aku ngerasa semuanya nggak seperti dulu lagi, jadi gak seru, jadi gak asyik. I really hate to admit this, but I don't feel that happy anymore with him. I'm trying, I know I do. But, it doesn't work out well. I laugh to our joke, but it just the lips who laughs. Deep inside, I feel numb. I feel empty.

I want to end this relationship. I don't think it's normal to cry out alone in your bed, almost every night (if I don't fall asleep first). I don't think it's normal to feel alone all the time, when you have someone who should be beside you. all the time.