I don't know what to say anymore.....
I am just shock to have a bad dream about the same guy with different kind of rejection. I keep dreaming about him for this two days. Omagaaaah what's my unconciousness side trying to tell me actually?? Well, I'm too afraid to find all the possibilities.
So, yesterday I had a weird dream about this guy, so in my first dream which is my first rejection, I dreamed about me and several friends going to some place, it doesn't really clear what kinda place, to do our task, it doesn't really clear what kinda task, too.
All of my friends went there with a car, but because the seat wasn't enough for all of us, so I stayed there. There was him chattered with people I didn't know who. There was some boys too in my dreams, but I didn't really pay attention to them even though I saw them there. But, I won't talk about them, they are not the reason why I write this post too, by the way. Okay, I continue, sooo after I saw him there, I decided to ask him to take me to the destination place. I went to him and asked him "X, would you take me to the place, huh?", I put on my innocent face in front of him which is (in real life) always success to make him do what I want :p But then, he didn't really pay attention to me and answered my question coldly. With that smile in his face which I can't assumed what's the meaning. Really, it wasn't like him, that was like a side to him that I never knew was exist. That smile reminds me to, well yeah, some rejection.....
And then I forget what happened next in my dream. I thought I just stood there, foolishly, alone and had nowhere to go. And oh yeah! He also moved from where he'd been before. Oh my Lord, wasn't that because of my presence? :(
So, today I had a nightmare anymore. Omagaaaaaaaah this is worse than before, I don't even know how to start it. Like, really.... It is 3.30 AM in the morning and I was awakened by that kind of sad feeling, I'm just plain hurt, though that was only a dream, flowers of sleep, they said :(
My dream went not really clear for me, I meant I forget how it first started, but it doesn't matter, right? It's him who is matter!
I think I was in that kind of class or something, not really in a classroom, everything is messed up, like the image of my faculty, the aisle in my campus, my basecamp, and sort of an open space I do not know. So, I was in a class or sort of that, suddenly I saw my dad picked me up so I asked permission to go home. The background was changed into my faculty then, I walked there and talked with some peoples, not really matters I think, then I walked to my dad, I forget what happened next, but then there was an image of me running in a big parking lot, looking for I don't know who, but I found him as one of my friend in middle high school, I never met him for a long time, but I don't know why he could be in my dream. So, in sum, I was waiting for him to take me home because I don't know how to get home. When I currently wait for him, there was someone who asked me to join him to go somewhere. Aaaah, I forget who was that person and how I got there, but suddenly I was in a home. And the story goes.........
So, I was in that house with X, I forget what we were doing, but in that house, there was a family, consist of a father, a mother, a girl, his older sister or brother, I forget, and another one sibling. In the beginning, I just met the girl, I played with her and if I don't get it wrong, her brother, they were such a nice family, except the mother who was always like I don't know, a lil bit cold to me. But, I didn't think about it much...
Oh yeah, while I was in that house, X was always with me and talked to me, laughed with me, and so on, so on, like nothing had happened. He was so close with the member of the family, but he didn't tell me yet who they were. I don't know, but foolish me for didn't ask anyway -_-
I was so happy to play with the girl, til came the time to eat, lunch, maybe, then the mother asked us to wake up the other sibling who was slept in the bedroom, covered by blanket (so I can't see the face). But then I said, "I'd already asked her to eat, she already eat a lil bit." (looks like this girl doesn't want to eat before). Then, her mother woke her up, and you know who was she? You really want to know??
Well, don't be surprise, but actually she was X's ex-girlfriend, you know! So, during the time I was in her house, played with her siblings, talked with her family and X was so close to them!!! No wonder!!
Huh, just to remember it makes me feel so dissapointed with X :(
Then it just suddenly came to my mind, I questioning all his feelings to me, I thought that maybe all that he said was only a lie, and maybe it was me that just too excited with my feeling, while in the other hand, he still care with his ex-girlfriend... All the things in real life and in my dream came up and messed became one made me so confused. I stayed for some time, talked with her, walked around in her room, saw her things and blah blah blah, like nothing had happened. But, in my deepest heart actually I just want to go home and cry and do not meet X anymore :( and move to somewhere so far away if I could.
But then I woke up, I shocked for several minutes, couldn't say nothing, speechless, but when I realized that was only a dream, I was so relieved. Cause in my real life, he really loves me and he already said it to me...
But still, my mind is so messed up, I feel so wrong to even think about rejection. What really happened to me? Why am I like this? I hate the feeling of being rejected, really... :(
It's been 2 days, will I get the same dream again tomorrow? Would it get worse the next time?
I really hate to think about it :(
