It almost 4 AM in the morning and I'm wide awake. Somehow, I really really really want to talk to him. I mean, how could you miss someone when you're already in sleep? You're dreaming about things, not things about him, but somehow it makes you miss him more. I can't stop being in love, even in my dream.
So, I was dreaming about me hang out with another guy, I don't know who. But, I think we have some kind of close relationship. Probably. But then I realized that I already had a boyfriend, so I count that as cheating, so I told him to stop it and just go home. Well, bla bla bla.. things happened. And I awaken....
Well, that's just the beginning, we haven't reach the main story yet. Okay, so here it goes.....
I woke up and went to the bathroom, after that I can barely sleeping so I decided to get my phone and checked my twitter account. It went well in the beginning, but then my curiosity came up. I accidentally saw an account of my best friend which is my boyfriend's ex. I don't know why I can't stop to being kepo, but for God Sake! I checked her account on purpose. I checked the last update, I read the previous tweets, and worse, I read her blog post. Okay. I might have the probability to cut my wrist now. You know, it seems like I'm a masochist. -_- What I'm trying to say is that I knew that her writing could probably hurt me, but I didn't stop to read it. Can you believe that? I think I'm insane. Totally insane.
And I really am insane. I mean, I read her post. She wrote about her story with his ex which is my current boyfriend and how she thinks about me as a hypocrite. And yes, I did hurt a little, but it didn't really hurt like what I thought it might brought me to. And that's what make me can't handle the truth. How could I not become sorry when someone my best friend is getting hurt because of what I did? I feel numb. It feels empty. I can't even say that it really matters anymore. I mean, it feels like I couldn't think about another thing that isn't around me. I feel sorry, I know that I do. But, I kinda doubt my feeling. How mean :|
