surat cinta (?)

Hei, kamu! Apa kabar?

......

Aku? Akunya sih masih berusaha move on dari kamu...

Eh, tapi ternyata emang susah ya cari yang kayak kamu. Eits, bukannya aku sengaja nyari yang kayak kamu ya, tapi emang aku cuma lagi cari yang sreg aja di hati. Bukan berarti harus kayak kamu juga lho, jangan GR!

 

Banyak sih yang ngedeketin aku (bukan sombong loh ya), tapi nggak tau kenapa susah banget loh lepas dari kamu. Kamu selalu aja bisa nyelip, muncul di sela-sela memoriku, bahkan di saat aku sedang tidak berusaha mengingatmu. Kamu melet aku pake apa sih? Hehehe...

Kalo aku sekarang deket sama banyak cowok, itu gara-gara kamu loh. Kalo aku sekarang PHP-in banyak orang, itu juga gara-gara kamu loh. Sangking pengen lupanya aku sama kamu, aku kayak gini... Mencari satu, untuk menggenapkan yang ganjil. Mencari pengikat, untuk merekatkan yang pecah. Mencari ramai untuk meredam sepi, karena sepiku selalu membawaku padamu....

Kamu gimana? Masih susah move on dari aku juga nggak? :')

"After all this time?" "Always"

"After all this time?" "Always," said Snape.

I once was a fool for letting you go and now I'm a fool for didn't let you come back.

 I don't know what to write. It's like everything's messed up in my mind. I want to write it all, but I just don't know where to start. So, I'll try to 'just write', cause I don't think that I can do any better.

Well, today I am a birthday girl. Yep, this is my 18th birthday. There's nothing special 'bout today. Just some cheery friends and some 'happy birthday' thingy. Well, appreciate that.

So, actually I've been waiting for this day since the end of the previous month. I hopefully wish that he will send me a happy birthday text, as always. I already planned to have a long convo with him 'cause I swear this time I will reply all his text and I won't cut it all. But I guess this is how Karma is work. When I planned and I kept make promises in my head that I won't let any chances gone, well, it didn't work as well as what I hope. He didn't even send me a birthday greetings.

Well, in one side it breaks my heart so much (even though I keep seeking reasons for defending him). And in the other side, it makes me realize that maybe it's just how it meant to be. We couldn't meet each other. I meant, if we were lines, both of us is drawn parallel, equal, in the same direction. So, it doesn't matter how long we were drawn for, both of us couldn't meet at the same point. 

I keep thinking on my head if you still love me or not. I realize that we're separated too far away. We couldn't stuck in past, we both have our own new world. So I start to think maybe it's the time to make a move, to decide, to choose, to forget...

It won't be easy at the beginning, I know. I meant to really really really forgetting all about him... That's too complex. Even my tears fell down when I saw him taken a photo with a girl (she's sweet though), just the two of them in a frame, with a really close space... I'm glad that I could hold my tears and didn't cry like a baby :)

Since we met, it's the first birthday which I didn't received birthday greetings text from you, so I guess here is where our story ends. It's over today. Bye, love :)

Birthday Surprises?

Hi, meet me again. Well, this time I want to share a little about my life. No, no, it isn't about my lovelife by the way. It's not a poem or another sad love story too.

So, it's the 6th day of April. D-11. Eleven days before my 18th birthday. I don't know why but I get less excited about my birthday. What's in my mind now is just that on April 22nd I'll have a mid-semester exam and I'm not even open my book yet...literally. I meant, I don't even have any text book yet hehehe.

Maybe it seems like I'm weird and anti social or sounds like hypocrite and whatever. But, I don't want anything on my birthday. I don't want to be the center of attention. I don't know why but that's just the truth. And I really am okay with that.

It's not like I don't want anybody to say Happy Birthday to me or I hate everybody. No, It isn't like that. But, I just want to have a common day as my birthday. I meant, I don't feel like I want to get any surprises or what. I don't know what's wrong about me. Maybe I'm just a lil' afraid or get paranoid. But, I can't handle it. That's it.

But, of course I can't show it or tell it to anybody, especially to my friends. I know they must've been organized things behind me. So, I better shut my mouth up and follow the show. I don't want to disappoint them anyway. It wouldn't be good.

Hmm... Pathetic, right? I don't know what happened to me. But, I feel like I'm better be alone. OMG, I hate to say that but I must admit that I sounds sooo disgusting and I'm so introvert. I hate myself for being like that, seriously. But, that's what I feel inside. I enjoy myself. Well, maybe that's the wrong way but that it is.

Argh.. I hate myself to feel like this. There are they, peoples who love me and treasure me. Spend their time and energy for me to make me happy and let me have the best memories. But, I do feel this for them. I'm so mean :(

I hope my birthday will go well and I won't  mess it up.